S@&* Said on InstaGram: Booty Building

I’ve been having a lot of fun perusing through hell (InstaGram) these past few weeks.  The amount of material is insane!  Today comes from a Latina Bombshell- I can critique all the stupid S@&* she says, but it’s no secrete, this chica is smoking hot!  The work and dedication that it takes to look like her is admirable- Kudos.  Here’s my problem.  Just because someone looks flawless, does that grant them the right to be giving advice?  Even if she is a “certified personal trainer” if you didn’t know by now, that doesn’t mean S@%*.  Most trainers get their “Cert” online and don’t know S@%& from Shinola.  I just posted a quick 15 second video on the 17 muscles of the shoulder.  If a trainer can’t name 14- move on.  Yes, I know.  I’m  now an IGW (InstaGram W%@&*).

Onto the Booty Building post.  As I previously mentioned, she’s sculpted.  She seems* to have developed glutes in those turquoise pants. *I say seems because I’m an a@#hole and have been lead astray many of times.  People can deceive you by looking great in tight clothes, but then when they’re off, gravity sets in, yikes!  Tight clothing, skinny jeans, and push-up bra’s are full of more illusions than this old school image – is it an old woman or young one?   Let it be noted that the first 5 comments were “Where did you get those pants!” haha, women and clothes!  Chris Tangent complete; back to the exercise.  The Smith Machine bar weighs between 10-20lbs with the occasional bar weighing 45-55lbs (VERY RARE.)  She is doing Sumo Squats with 25lbs on each side.  I’m sorry folks, gluteal development will be unlikely from the insignificant load.  If you’re saying “that’s heavy weight!”, you’re wrong (unless you’re 5 years old.)  The legs (hamstrings, glutes and quadriceps) are very large muscles- over 40% of our body mass.  Lifting 65-75lbs isn’t impressive (135lbs would still probably be too light).  Additionally, it won’t stimulate* type II muscle fibers to maximize hypertrophy.  *If you’re a science bully, let me address the eyebrow raise. Technically, she could stimulate type II muscle fibers if she went to exhaustion and/or explosive concentric movement.  But she isn’t.   Yes, type I muscle fibers can grow, but the load and volume that she’s doing would not yield the A$@ that she has!  Hmmmmm, maybe something else?  If you want a booty, do this instead.

1- Hip Thrust 4-5x a week with loads between 3-10 reps.  i.e. Day 1: 5 sets of 5 resting 2-3 min.  Day 2: 6 sets of 6 resting 90 seconds.  Day 3: 5 sets of 8 resting 1 minute.  Day 4: 5 sets of 10 resting 45 seconds. Day 5: *Sprints and body weight exercises for 20-30 reps.  *Sprints are intense; work up to them.  Begin with 4-6 sets of shorter distances (30-50 yards), resting 1-2 minutes between sets.  Most importantly, make sure to do a proper dynamic warm-up.

2- Do 2-3 multi-jointed exercises before single jointed ones i.e. 1. Hip Thrusts 2. Squats 3. Dead-Lifts 4. Then end with one or two of the following: Glute Kick-Backs, eccentric partner  hamstring curls, clams, OR side band walks.  If you’d like, change up the first exercise and isolated ones daily.

3- Smith Machine Squats are just OK.  It’s like getting a 65% on a final.  You’d probably pass if you brought me a bottle of Basil Hayden’s (Whiskey) as a present.  If, and ONLY IF, you want to do Smith Machine Squats, do them at the end of your workout with 30 seconds rests- try to induce that burn (aka lactic acid which produces larger amounts of HGH =  maximize hypertrophy.) Trainer’s tip:  make sure your legs are flexed at a 45 degree angle.  This will place the gluteus at a position to optimize recruitment.  I’d prefer you just to listen to Gandalf and stick with exercises 1-4 as previously mentioned.

4- Stop implementing peoples workouts on IG thinking you’ll look like them from doing their workouts.  Ask yourself these questions: 1. Could they be taking something? With my exposure to the male and female bodybuilding community, I’d say that at least half of the females are taking some variance of a steroid (close to 90% of females at the higher levels- all anecdotal FYI, so untangle your panties or Golds T Dental Shirt.)   2. Genetics.  Sorry ladies, but girls like this have amazing genetics.  3. Their workout ethic vs yours.  I’m not saying these chicks don’t workout hard, because they do.  Even if they are taking stuff, (I honestly don’t care), they’re putting in long and strenuous hours in the gym.  If you’re running, doing body weight squats, Smith Machine Squats, and lifting light weights, you’re NOT BOOTY BUILDING.

5- Most importantly, LIFT HEAVY (3-12 reps).  Don’t tell me your quadzilla or that you’re the 1 /1,000,000,000 females who gets bulky.  If that is you, please start buying me lotto tickets because you’re one lucky lady.  If you’re concerned, here is my challenge to you.  Measure your quads/thighs 4-6 inches above your patella (kneecap.)  Record the number.  Do six weeks of *heavy lifting.  Remeasure your quads 4-6 inches above your patella. If this number has increased, we can then reanalyze your program… trust me, IT WON’T.  What you’ll get is an amazing bookshelf and my new favorite spot to place my beer (only after the New Year because of my one month no beer challenge.)   *Your form needs to be spot on.  The precursor to heavier lifting (1-10 reps) is at least a month of lifting lighter weights 12-20 reps- OWN THE MECHANICS!  If you’re doing Sumo Squats like her, it’s imperative to make sure your knees are tracking through your toes.  Think of your toes like a goal post.  Going “through your toes” means your knees should track between/over your little and big toe (heal needs to be on the ground at all times.)  If it tracks inside, you’re setting yourself up for knee pain.

Unfortunately, women are still deterred from lifting heavy weights because of the fear of getting “bulky.”  I’ll challenge ANYONE to implement one of my programs lifting 75-95% loading (3-12 reps) and see how bulky you are after the six week program.  You’ll achieve that dream body that you’ve always wanted and be stronger than most LA dudes.

Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, Kiss my ass, Kiss his ass, Kiss your ass, Happy Chanukah  – Christmas Vacation!!!! BEST MOVIE EVER.